I am no longer embarrassed to admit that I have been down for a long time! My kind of rock bottom has, at times, drained me dry of any energy at all and I have repeatedly stated that I hate this life as I have been living it! As a conscious creator having created out of thin air the desires of my heart hundreds of times I "know" that when I make a decision as to what I truly desire, then stand on that in faith calling it forth until it manifests, never giving up, that I will experience its manifestation!
Over the last 41 months I have been calling forth into my physical reality (9) primary choices, the likes of which I have never called forth ever before as they are foundational by design. I have chosen to throw myself a Hail Merry of sorts and to refuse to settle, calling forth my true hearts desires as I have everything to gain and nothing to lose. The simple fact is I know that I can have, do, be and experience whatsoever I choose I just have to stay the course and keep the faith until the manifestation takes place.
In my frustrations for the time it has taken so far, not just the 41 months of prayer, but really 16 years of a rotten shit of an existence I would not wish on anyone, I began questioning, for real, why is my life so fucked up and terrible? I mean, really, nothing goes my way, ever! Are you kidding me GOD and the Universe?
As most of my realizations come from within, as I had vented my frustrations in prayer over and over, it came to me that my darkest times are actually my greatest blessings so let me explain that a little...
For me complacency is my worst enemy! If I have, just enough, or if I am, making ends meet and having a little fun, my motivation to seek real change in my life is great diminished!
For me, it is an absolute necessity for me to be down, at rock bottom, because otherwise I am not as motivated to create change in my life and as a result I will not intentionally seek to create the change my heart desires! In this my state of being at rock bottom and having nothing go my way is actually the greatest blessing!
I have known for some time now that once my choices manifest this time, my past troubles, sorrows and hard times will instantly become badges of honor that I will wear proudly!
Now, as clear as a beautiful Spring day, I see that what I hate the most in this life when I am down at rock bottom, at least for me, is the absolute cause of my new creations being determined, visualizes and then called forth by me into this physical realm. Out of the darkness of despair rises the phoenix out of the ashes!
It is really a matter of your own individual perspective as we all have the ability to "choose" how we see things in our lives as well as in the world around us as a whole!
Its like "my glass is half empty" or "my glass is half full" verses "I have a glass with something in it" and "I can add whatever I want to the glass anytime" and for everyone this realization may be uniquely different!
What seems logical to me though is that "OUR MOST DIFFICULT TIMES ARE THE FERTILE SOIL WHERE WE PLANT DESIRES LIKE SEEDS, WATERED BY FAITH" and when we believe we will see a harvest!
If you are reading this you are likely searching for something inspirational and I encourage you to consider that what you are now going through, is perfectly as it should be, especially if it is motivating you to seek change and to create a new reality for yourself!
Before I close... I know without any doubt whatsoever that we all, yes you too, can have whatsoever you desire and that once you make it known to God, the Universe or whomever, things begin to happen to make your desires manifest! Some things can happen instantly, some things takes days, weeks or even months and some thing may take years to manifest however going for it puts you in a position where you have everything to gain and nothing to lose by putting forth a sincere effort! You owe it to yourself to go for your dreams and even if you see no way for them to happen, a way can and will be made once you believe it can!
Suggestions for more inspiration; Conversations with GOD by Neale Donald Walsch Books 1, 2 and 3 especially, works by Dr. Wayne Dyer, Ekhart Tolle, James Redding, Gary Zukav, the movies The Secret and What the Bleep do we know and so many others not mentioned herein that you will find on your search. Take from them what you feel to be fore you and bless and release the rest! I pray day and night in complete agreement with every man, woman and child on the face of this planet and I thank you for your prayers in agreement with me!